Family Feud
by little miss demosthenes
Summary: Rikkaidai & Hyoutei receive invitations to participate in an episode of Family Feud. Yukimura x Coffee Mug. /Chapterfic/


**title:** family feud  
**chapter:** one?  
**genre:** crack?  
**pairings:** yukimura x coffee mug  
**warnings:** not really  
**rating:** K+  
**word count:** 1099  
**frequency:** chapterfic  
**update rate:** very, very sporadic. i might not update at all, actually.  
**disclaimer:** yadda! (i mean, i don't own the characters... ::smiles sweetly::)  
**prompt:** well, i was watching an episode of family feud, right?, & the question was: "what are the top things people hit when they're not working?"  
the asian lady goes, "my spouse?"

**----x)(x----**

**A/N:** minna-san, uhh... try to be patient with me. i've been really really uninspired these past coupla days (strikeout) weeks (strikeout) months, so my writing is shit right now, ok? this is just some random filler. you don't have to read it. in fact, i really don't think you should read it, it's not very good. v.v" i usually do ok though summer's not my best season – i have more time on my hands, etc. however, i'm extremely stressed out about next year really depressed... and akaya has refused to talk to me ever since i planned to write him with a drug addiction... mouuu :-(

in short, don't read this (or anything by me from may-july), i'm just trying to delude myself into believing that i'm actually writing something and being productive.  
and sincere apologies for having such weird lapses in behavior.  
and i'm really violent.

goodbye -.n !

**----x)(x----**

* * *

**Rondo to Wisconsin**

* * *

**----x)(x----**

"Genichirou."

A warm mug clinked against the table.

Sanada raised his head, only slightly enough to see the smile of an effeminate, blue-haired boy.

"Ah."

"Coffee, Genichirou?" the boy asked, as he nestled into the opposite chair.

"I don't drink coffee," said Sanada with stilted difficulty, "Yukimura."

Yukimura smiled.

"Oh. That's too bad."

Sanada coughed, but the captain had already turned his back on his teammate, surveying the room as if, by mere observation, a tundra would occur right in their backyard. He turned around again, coming to rest on a small, folded newspaper. "Do you mind?"

"Hn," replied Sanada.

"Thank you."

The room was suddenly filled with scribbling noises. From his own notebook (drenched in badly-drawn stick figures and free-body diagrams – one for each attacking position), Sanada risked a furtive peek across the table. Yukimura looked very busy. Number after number was being crossed out, erased, and redirected to the appropriate column, and when no box was empty, he would jot down a time on his palm. Sanada, on the other hand, looked speechless and lost, like he accidentally walked in on Kirihara playing with himself during the afternoon showers.

After two more unbearable minutes, the fukubuchou coughed.

"Yes, Genichirou?" asked Yukimura, taking a sip of coffee.

"A-ah," said Sanada. "Nothing."

Yukimura bent his head. _Four? No – must be eight or nine, since four was three boxes away._ Between his knees, a professional-looking envelope and a crumpled paper (which read _Marui Bunta: 4:32, moderate to moderately hard_) were struggling to fall. The captain took out a stopwatch and reset the time.

Seventy seconds later, Sanada coughed again.

"Yes, Genichirou?"

Cough.

_Cough._

"_Yes,_ Genichirou?"

"Wsmshrtelngthrth."

Yukimura beamed. "I didn't quite catch that, Genichirou. Could you please repeat yourself?"

"WasMasaharutellingthetruth!" burst Sanada.

Yukimura paused, reflection hovering over his rich, brown coffee. He lifted the mug with his slender fingers, weighed the contents a little, and then drank out of it like it was bottomless. It took a moment before Sanada registered that he was not going to reply. The room was once again filled with scribbling noises.

"All right!" said Sanada exasperatedly. "Is it true, then?"

"Why, Genichirou," Yukimura smiled. "I thought you would never _ask_." He added a 3 to the newspaper as an afterthought.

"_Well? _Is it?"

"Quite so."

Sanada dropped his jaw (read: lowered it so a flat piece of cardboard could've fit through his teeth), trying to decide between running away or acting tough.

"I think you should act tough," said Yukimura immediately.

"A-ah," Sanada croaked, eyes bulging from surprise. This was getting bad. If Yukimura could read his thoughts **(strikeout)** and hence discover the lustful and embarrassing feelings that Sanada harbored for him **(strikeout)**... He made a mental note to stop any future strategy meetings between Niou and Yukimura.

"Actually," Yukimura murmured, "I taught most of mind-reading to Masaharu myself, Genichirou-kun. Now, about this... _letter._"

**---**

* * *

**---**

"Eh?!"

Jirou dropped the creamy paper on his lap. "Family _Feud?_"

The net specialist rubbed his eyes several times, then picked up the letter again, just to be sure he read correctly.

_Dear Costco Gold Member_

_You are cordially invited to attend the 2,300th DELUXE HYPER REMIX episode of _Family Feud _in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Congratulations on this achievement! Only the most bank-breaking customers are rewarded with such an offer – and only after (large water stain)! Your timely participation in the DELUXE HYPER REMIX COSTCO PRODUCE drawing has been recognized by (water stains). Please confirm this number with the one printed on your entry ticket:_

_**56013Z(water stain)3P**_

_If you have lost, sold, or otherwise misplaced your ticket, this offer may become ineligible. _

_As you know, (water stain) was created by Mark Goodson and _**(strikeout)**_Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz _**(strikeout)**_Bill Todman to reward money to those who can most accurately repeat the status quo of millions of Americans on a variety of subjects, including but not limited to: favorite ways to (water stain) your love interest, favorite ways to serve a tennis ball, and favorite ways to arrive at Milwaukee. _

_Participating in this game will challenge you to stretch your mind (water stain water stain) stretch your pocket! _

_Simply return this letter with the signed the names of you and (up to) seven of your family members on the lines below to receive your information packet._

_Once again, congratulations on winning this (water stain) opportunity! _

_Sincerely,_

_the Management_

_1.  
2.  
3.  
4.  
5.  
6. (water stain)  
7. _

"Oi, oi, Jirou," called a voice. Gakuto leapt high into the air, flipping three times before tumbling onto the bleachers. "What's that you're holding in your hands? Omoshiroi ka?"

"Um," said Jirou.

"Lemme see." Gakuto snatched the letter from Jirou's lap, unfolding and reading quickly.

"Dear Costco Gold Member," pronounced Gakuto. "You are cordially invited to attend the 2,300th Deluxe Hyper Remix episode of _Family Feud_ in Milwaukee, Wisconsin."

Gakuto turned toward his teammate. "Ne, Jirou. Where's Wisconsin?"

"Jirou?"

Gakuto blinked, realizing belatedly that Jirou had fallen right back to sleep, and was now drooling all over his shoes.

**----x)(x----**

"So, Atobe-kun, what do you make of this?"

Atobe glared icily. "Don't try to kiss up to me. Your attempts are pathetic."

"Hn," Oshitari smirked. "So you believe it."

"Of course I believe it, seeing as _you_ entered us into Costco's drawing."

"But Atobe, you must admit, it is kind of amusing."

When Atobe did not speak, Oshitari raked a hand through his hair, his other fingers plucking idly on a violin.

"Haven't you noticed," began Oshitari, "our team has been out of pace with each other these days?"

Atobe arched an eyebrow. "Are you implying I don't know my team?"

"Of course not."

Oshitari meandered toward a window, adjacent to the one Atobe was staring out of.

"I'm merely saying..."

Atobe turned.

"... it will be a rewarding team-bonding experience."

Suddenly, Oshitari lost all composure.

"_Atobe!_"

He was pointing at the large group of scantily-clad girls crowded around the tennis courts. All of them wore Hyoutei colors, although deviations in clothing style (and amount) were present. The most popular outfit consisted of a short silver skirt and a white bra, complete with crystal hair accessories that dangled all the way past the ears. Oshitari blinked, then saw the white-and-silver pom poms that they held.

"Ah, you've noticed," said Atobe. "They're our personal cheerleaders."

The Hyoutei captain walked away disinterestedly and began to file his nails.

"I thought it would be, you know..."

Oshitari choked.

"...a rewarding team-bonding experience." Atobe glanced up from his fingers. "What are your thoughts on this, Oshitari?"


End file.
